you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
