the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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