Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
