Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
