she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
