I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
