Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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