If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
