White coat. Heels.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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