hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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