Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
