i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
