do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
