You're so nebulous sometimes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
