CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
