Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
