yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
