He is an equal opportunity slut.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
