i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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