Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
