i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
