I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
