what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
