I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
