You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
