Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
