so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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