after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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