Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
