That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
