I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
as a side note pls kill me
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