so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
