I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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