i already hear my dad disowning me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's blow job season.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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