he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
