fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
