Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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