Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
