This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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