last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
