Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
