i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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