Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
