I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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