no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
