yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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