I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
