Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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