My liver just broke up with me...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
