Kiss
Puke
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
