I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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