he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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