The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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