I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
