normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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