And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
