Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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