That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
