Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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