No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
